Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Randomize
