Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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