kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i think i scared a bird with my dick
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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