Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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