This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
