Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
