So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
