none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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