U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
