i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
