i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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