you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
