can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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