But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
