I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
