Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
