3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
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some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
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You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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