Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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