Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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