You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
