burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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