but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
