How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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