Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
