Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
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