i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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