just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize