giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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