More tranny stories later!
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
