This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
