Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
