Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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