I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
