so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
