bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
