dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
