you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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