I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
