I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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