you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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