So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
