The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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