My boss' voice literally gives me gas
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
