I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
