shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
