My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
