I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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