i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
