in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
