life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
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We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
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Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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