My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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