New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
