if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
