I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
