You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
