she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
