Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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