Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
