I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
