i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You took a bar mat shot.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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