Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
