why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
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