If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
