He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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