Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
