u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
