What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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