he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
