and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
