I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
