so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
