I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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