so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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